Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Its college, Get ready

School. The time when i get to go and share a very small closet with another human being. It is also the time when i am forced to live among the demographic of people i have come to hate the most. Yes for you idiots out there than answer to that statement is college kids. Ranking number 3 on my most hated list college kids are right up there with the likes of the phrase "Because you/they can" and Flamers.

So where does this all come into play with my life? In short i hadn't the slightest idea, until i cam to UWO. You see my freshman year at college was spent at UWW. I was hopefully going to get my MBA and go do that kind of thing. However as you will all find out, that is just not going to happen with me anymore. (more on that later) Anyway, being the retard that i am, i had decided to get a random roommate for white water. I wasn't worried about the type of person because hey, i was a freshman and i could handle it.

I got lucky. My room mate was a total kick ass person. He was not a college fool. Me and him got along perfectly. We argued constantly about religion, politics, economics and the general state of things. Basically the run down:

Him: Tan, RIPPED AND CUT LIKE YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT. Basically an ambacrombie modle. Smart, and generally a funny guy. In a really serious relationship with a girl, had glasses and was alot shorter than me.

Me: (at that time, 1.5 years ago): Fresh on the Cross Country team, i was tan, skinny, and lean.

Anyway me and him got along perfectly. No one wanted to come out and eat with us, because it would always turn into me and him having a really deep conversation/argument about some political/economic issue. So basically it was me and him alone, all the time. I thank him for many things, however the number one thing that i would have to say that really sticks out is the following:


And now, 145980714058145 protein shakes and hundreds of hours at the gym later, i look good. Really good (if i do say so myself)

Basically at the end of my freshman year at UWW, i was beside myself with grief that i was not coming back to UWW. Instead i was off to UWO to study medicine. So coming into UWO and of course not knowing anyone here, i decided (and hoped) that i would get lucky with another random room mate. god damn. I was so wrong.

My luck sucks. With women, and now i guess with room mates.

When i first arrived at UWO i had almost decided to move out on the street when i first met my roomie. in a nutshell- the college guy. The typical, stupid, arrogant, college guy that i have come to hate. So here i was. Me- opinionated, political, philosophical (and frankly after the summers performance with women, not in a good mood.) And here was my new roomie, a college frat guy.

Dear God.

Basically i can sum it up like this: i new i wasn't going to like him, when he brought up politics and made a complete fool of himself talking to me, after that it was all downhill. He of course, is at college to become a gym teacher- and as you can surmise studies alot, and is a good student.

Back on point here.

Sitting at this college, alone and with no friends, i was pleasantly surprised to find out that one of my co workers from the pool (who i am on good terms with) was also a UWO student. So i called her up, and tried to get to know the social crowd/become big man on campus ext ext. however the typical happened.

Promises were made, dates for going out were made, yet after 2 weeks everything kept falling through. So basically my one "friend" at this school is now flaking out on me, and while she is hot- she is also brain dead, so defiantly not worth the effort. At this point i thought that all hope was lost for me having a life- but then another shot in the dark happened to fall my way.

Let me set the scene for you:

I had just come from the gym, after an intense 2 hour workout. I had quickly taken a shower, and there i was- lufa in hand, water cascading down my man body through my crevasses and canyons that are my abs, when low and behold, she comes walking around the corner.

Gymnast is a girl that i went to elementary school with. While we were never good friends, she was always nice to me and i was always nice back. However when she came around that corner, and (i am presuming she was a bit tipsy to find my ugly mug attractive) she stopped and eye raped the shit out me.

When her brown eyes finally made it to my face her jaw dropped and she said "BEN! omg! its you! I didn't know you went here!"

After pleasant commentaries were exchanged, she had given me her number and promised that we had to go out and party. She said that she felt bad that i was doing nothing that night, and promised to make it up to me.

So next week end, i called her- and you guess it, no pickup. So i txted her once more on Saturday and still nothing. No facebook, no call no nothing. So yep- you guessed it, here i am sitting at UWO with no one, no friends and no life. I am in a good mood.

At this point, i am getting desperate to try and find some group of friends to hang out with. So i do the first thing that catches my eye, student government. Yep. I did it. Just to try and get some where with a group of people. However, the group of people that i would find myself associating with (and still associating with) want to make me stab my eye out.

I ran for Vice President, and a guy that i had met on in my dorm, on my hall- was running for president. I had this great idea for a campaign poster, basically it was me and him standing holding a washcloth, and with text under that said: Don't forget to wash behind your ears! Ben and______ for President/VP 08/09. So we hung a poster in every shower stall on every floor in all the boys and girls bathrooms in the entire dorm. It was funny, i guess- but childish i will admit.

So election day roles around, and you guessed it, i got in for VP but, he didn't get president. So there i was for the first government meeting and holy shit- i was surrounded with retards. As you already may have guessed, they were the feel good happy go luck kids that are always everywhere..........You know kind of like the person that is way to energetic, and thinks that everything is funny? I knew it was bad, when they were all laughing at my sarcastic remarks. Anyway enough of that, it gets better! (for you, but worse for me)

So after a few meetings in, the student government and the hall staff were all working on decorating the hall together. I was in charge of painting the windows, because of my artistic background. I had just finished explaining my idea for my kick ass Sistine chapel idea,and ended my painting prose with these words: "And we can paint it all in rainbow colors YAY (the entire phrase was in a sarcastic, and down tone remark.) Little did i know that at that point, i had just dropped a Hiroshima.

Stop now and think about what i said. Think- how is this going to come back and bite me?

Did i do something wrong?

Think about it- because the next part will blow your minds.

So walking away from the government meeting, and heading back towards my dorm room, i was stopped by the president. She said, ben can i talk to you for a second. I said sure and she pulled me into a stair well.

Here is the bio on the president of student government:

SHE has brown hair, and basically is not that attractive, however she is smart, is in a really DEDICATED relationship, and generally is a pretentious person.

So sitting inside of the stair well, it was just me and her. At this point i still had no idea that i had done something wrong. Until the inevitable.

HER: Ben what you said back there was really condesending.

Me: What? What did i say?

HER: Your comment about how we can make it all rainbow colors yay.

Me: What? why is that bad?

Her: Because there are a lot of people on the staff and the government that are bi sexual, lesbian or gay.

Me (in my thoughts): FUCK.

Me: ya and? I never said anything condescending. It is a stretch of the imagination to try and take what i had said and pull it that far out of context.

*Now here is where Jerry Springer would be proud*

We stopped our conversation mid sentence, because a staff member (an RA basically is a person that looks after a floor in a dorm room. Generally a junior or senior) this RA or the 7th floor came walking by us, and we had both shut up.

Once he was a flight of stairs away however SHE lept back at me with gusto. Basically she was saying something to the effect, that i need to apologize, and that what i said was wrong, and basically i need to watch what i say blah blah blah.

I am standing there looking perplexed. Pulling out my best i don't give a fuck attitude, i proceed to say the following:

You know what president? I don't care. I am not going to apologize. If any of the bi,gay,lesbian people were effected and feel that i was truly out to go and get them with that statement, they need to get over themselves.

Yep get over yourself. that is what i said. You see dear reader- I only have 1 gay friend. I have gone out to dinner with him on many occasions, and i have talked about many many things.

He has told me this: Ben, i hate gay people. to which i respond, but you are gay. His answer is what surprised me the most, and i will always remember it.

"You don't get it. Ben there are two types of gay people. One of them is doing it, to stand out- to cry out and say that hey i am an individual. LOOK AT ME! I AM HERE AND DIFFERENT (basically a flamer). He looked at me and said, but in reality they are hurting the movement. Ben, if you were looking and listening to me now, could you tell that i was gay?" To which i replay- no. He then proceeded to say that people like that are faking it, and need to get over themselves.

Now back to our story.

Do you remember that RA that came walking past me and the President? Well he decided to come back down, and join in on our little argument. BUT! guess what? He is "BI" so now it was president, and RA of the 7th floor vs me.

It wasn't pretty. To this day the RA hates me, and will do anything to write me up, and make my life a living hell.

Me and president are now good friends, and i actually went snowboarding with her over Christmas break.

SO basically, for the first few weeks of school- life sucked. I had no friends, 1 enemy, and my classes were a shit ton of work. The only bright spot on my week was Wednesday day. That was the day that i had anatomy lab, and would spend most of the morning looking at cadavers, cutting into cadavers or observing cadavers. (for those of you that don't know what those are, they are dead people. Embalmed in ethanol. I had an 86 year old Asian women. I named her Trisha. it was hot.)

As great as Trisha was, the best thing were my two lab partners. Both of them were women, blond, and seemed rather taken by me. So i decided to try and purse this little interest of my further.

Thanks for reading!

Hope you enjoyed it.


  1. oh my god i couldnt finish it. too much reading this late at night

  2. Your roommate seems like a pretty cool guy.