Saturday, October 2, 2010

The start of something good part 4!

After an ego deflating evening at my house, i was less than joyous to begin my day, early- teaching little brats to not drown. It's days like this that some times i just want to hold those little bundles of joy under, till the bubbles stop.

Arriving at work, i looked up at the white board and noticed something. The City wide lifeguard competition. I had almost forgotten. Basically the LG comp is a way for all of the lifeguards who were on swim team to go and strut their stuff to their bosses, and show that they kick ass at saving minorities. Me being the egotistical bastard that i am, had to sign up. As i went and found the sign up sheet- something grabbed me. My name was already on the "varsity team" right below CC.

I had to stop for a second. I didn't have to work yesterday, and I was fairly certain that CC did. So she signed up, and i guess that she new that i also had been on swim team as a kid. But here is the catch. One of the events is called the "rescue tube tow race" Basically the best way i can describe this to you is this way: All of you should know what a swimming noodle looks like. The long things yada yada... Anyway Lifeguards have pretty much the same thing, only ours look more professional, and less kiddy walmarty. OK so imagine yourself standing in a pool. The noodle is under your arm pits, and you are grabbing someone from behind. You hold your "victim" from underneath their armpits. Now to "swim them to safty" the only way you can do so, is if you begin to slide on your back, and kick with your legs.

Hopefully that can kind of give you an idea of what i am talking about here. Basically you get really really personal with your victim. Normally you can keep some level of comfort- but when you are racing and kicking as hard as you can- well you get the idea. What is weird here is that CC had signed herself and me up for this event. I had no idea why- my boss (the one who likes me and works at my pool) has had many conversations with me about CC. She has told me that while CC has said things to the effect of REALLY enjoying my company, she doesn't find me physically attractive. (Basically we are talking about some grade A+ Friend zone material here)

You see the thing about the F-zone is that it is a black hole. Once you are in, you cannot escape it. It sucks everything into it. I pity the man that does not foresee the inevitable and try's to purse a romantic relationship. If you are dumb enough to try something the following will happen: (in no particular order)
-loss of testosterone
-becoming a bitch slave to her
-spending more and more money
-spending more and more time
-spending more and more time crying
-spending more and more time wishing

Ya you get the point. Basically looking at the above from an investment point of view you put a lot in- and get no return. It is the bane of men this friend zone.

Well it just so happens that with my luck, i am very very well versed at what constitutes friend zone status. I was not in it. CC and i had something between us. I made very sure that i was not sugarcoating some BS. I new this for a genuine fact. I just couldn't prove it. (now your all thinking, lol misrah is a delusional boy in F-zone LOL) but before you write this off- i beg of you keep going! because well just because.

Anyway, at that day at work CC wasn't working- so the day was rather bland. The only really kicker was near the end of the day, our boss gave the staff announcement about the LG comp- and how in 3 days there was going to be a practice session that was mandatory for the "varsity" squad. So with that on my plate, i tried to go through the rest of the few days by laying low. I didn't know where i stood with Blondie or CC, or at least not yet.

Sadly the three days leading up to the LG comp practice were pretty lame (no CC working with me) On the other hand tho- i guess that me and Blondie were now a thing on everybody's mind. My boss brought the fact that Me and Blondie were a thing. I tried to explain to her that we were meant to be, and that i don't care if she had a boyfriend. My boss didn't like this very much and told me two pieces of advice that i wish i would have listened too at the time.

1. CC will not put up with any of this BS
2. You don't have a chance in hell with blondie (if you want a romantic relationship)

I looked at my boss and Testosterone flowing hard- told her, HA! Just wait, it has never stopped me before. Me and CC have something, and if we don't Blondie has fallen for me hard. Hook Line and sicker Mother Fucker.

Needless to say my boss wasn't impressed- and told me to go and scrub the seagull poop off of the pool deck. Mean boss lady.
*ego crush*

Fast forwarding to the day of the LG comp practice, me and CC were finally working together! woo. As usual we did all types of "flirty things" However in my mind- it was nothing definite. I am a very flirty person by nature. Back when i was a little kid, my mom always sent me to Christan camps during the summer (that is a story for another time). Evey year i would get in trouble for flirting to much, and i was told 3145435 times to "leave room for Jesus" and all of the Christan dogma. So normal flirting aside- me and CC had a normal day. Near the end of the day, she asked me if i was going to the LG comp practice. Of course i said yes, and offered her a ride- which she accepted.

The ride there was nothing special, nothing happened- just fun light easy conversation. For some reason i just love talking to the brunette girl- with the cute smile. I couldn't get enough. So walking up to the pool where the LG comp practice was supposed to take place (this is the pool that i hate, the one where i had met blondie.) The pool is brand new, and had some really tall and fun water slides, and what not. Walking through the gates- towel in hand and my gorgeous sidekick by my side i felt great. This would be great- the weather was warm, the water nice- and most importantly the water slides were on!!!!

Looking at CC i looked her in the eye and with a 4 year old grin, dropped my towel and said "race you to the top!" Running up the 8 flights of stairs CC was soon to catch up- and i certainly didn't mind her passing me. (yes i let her) Damn she looks good in a swim suit. Getting to the top- I went for the covered tube slide, coincidentally so did CC. I got there first, and surprisingly when i was just about to hurl myself feet first down the slide, i felt two muscular smooth legs pass between my arms. I turned around as best as i could before CC kicked us off and we were flying down the slide.

The leg was great. (so was the ride i guess) Anyway about halfway down i made the comment "Glad you shaved!" To which she replied "All for you bennybobobbo" (it is a fucking gay ass name that everyone calls me- said more so out of embarrassing spite than anything (or at least i hope so) Anyway reaching the bottom, i hopped out from between her legs and started to sprint back up to the top. There were only a few handfuls of guards there at the time. (Me and CC had come early to enjoy some of the water slides.) Reaching the top of the water slides, I hopped in first- until CC came up behind me and saying that she wanted to go first- promptly placed herself between my legs.

Suddenly she stopped, her head snapped around and with an interesting look on her face she said "Ben glad you shaved." I must have looked at my legs because she began to giggle and call me an idiot. Slightly ashamed i pushed off and we flew threw the darkness. I guess we were racing or something because CC took the most hydrodynamical position she could on my body- she started to lay against me, head directly on my stomach, her hands gripping my legs hard. WE FUCKING FLEW THREW THAT SLIDE. (Ironically my heart rate also jumped a few beats) After about 15 more min of this type of, i go first you go first (with me making a few sexual innuendos- practice finally commenced.

Me and CC were standing with the rest of the life guards form our pool, and while we were sitting there listening to the rundown of rules, times, positions game plans ext ext. My eye saw something. Blondie. She was here to- i guess to swim in the LG comp. Suddenly i was conflicted. Here i was sitting on a towel with a pretty brunette that wants me to stay in F-Zone, but doesn't act like it. And not 50 feet away from me is a pretty blond, who wants me to stay in F-zone but doesn't act like it.

So what do i do? I proceed to fuck up this evening more so than i could have imagined. I was feeling good about my self, to me CC was coming around to me- and i began to feel something that night between me and her. I started to zone out of our pre-practice speech and began to think. How can i push CC to like me just that much more? I had one good idea that i thought at the time would work perfectly. Use Blondie to make CC jealous. What could go wrong?

More to come


  1. cool story tough !!!

  2. Haha, what could go wrong indeed... hmmm...

  3. relax and try to do something you enjoy doing, you'll feel much better :)

  4. Good read, and F-zone sucks bad!

  5. Asking what could go wrong is asking for trouble, man.

    Best of luck, knock em' dead.

  6. Great post, keep it up Bro :)

  7. ugh, been there. No advice really matters, you'll always go with your heart.

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  9. That was quite a read, but good nonetheless